Role Play Here

This story started with a bang, then a scream, and ended with this screeching

evil laugh. Through my burly eyes, a saw a women with red eyes. Blood dripping

from her lips. She was smiling at us, laying on the floor. We must have look

dead to her. The floor was slaplatered with the color red. As so was my hair.

As the wicked women left out the door into the cold fall night, I pushed my self

up and looked around. I felt my Neck and felt the bite marks. I touched the

blood and look at it. Now, I don't crave food. I crave the sweet taste of blood.

I lick my finger, Feeling werid that im enjoying the taste of blood.

This is good, except for the last part, 'Feeling weird that I'm enjoying the taste of blood'. That sentence just felt weak to me. Try to make that part better. ^^

But other than that, it was pretty good. I love how many adjectives you used. Kudos to you! 

Thanks!

i like it except the jump from just getting bit to craveing blood- it just sounded like it happen too fast and i agree with cheese

How could i make that last part better?

And make the whole thing better?

Hrmm... To start for the last part, you could do something like, 

"I lick my finger. The blood tasted sweet upon my taste buds. That was odd, I felt a strange feeling in my stomach. I knew what the feeling was, I just didn't want to admit it. I enjoyed the taste of blood, and I was hungry for more." 

Something like that. But, of course, don't do it exactly like that. Let your imagination wander. ^-^

For nightfire does this seem better?

This story started with a bang, then a scream, and ended with this screeching

evil laugh. Through my burly eyes, a saw a women with red eyes. Blood dripping

from her lips. She was smiling at us, laying on the floor. We must have look

dead to her. The floor was slaplatered with the color red. As so was my hair.

As the wicked women left out the door into the cold fall night, I pushed my self

up and looked around. I felt my Neck and felt the bite marks. I hated the fact

that now, life as I knew would be much different then I planed. I dislike the

fact that my life is changed, and i didn't get to pick if I wanted it changed. I

touched the blood and look at it. Now, I don't crave food. I crave the sweet

taste of blood. I lick my finger feeling weird that I'm enjoying the taste of

blood.

my suggestion: "as my lips touched the crimmson liqued to my lips my mind felt dizzy and my stomach felt as if butterfly swarmed within, but as i placed the blood on my tounge  my taste buds exploded, the sweetness was like nothin ive ever felt an all i wanted was more"

Did u see what i posted before u?

ya it helped it flow better but it still has that last part- but its really good peice

Thanks! and chesse here!

This story started with a bang, then a scream, and ended with this screeching

evil laugh. Through my burly eyes, i saw a women with red eyes. Blood dripping

from her lips. She was smiling at us, laying on the floor. We must have look

dead to her. The floor was slaplatered with the color red. As so was my hair.

As the wicked women left out the door into the cold fall night, I pushed my self

up and looked around. I felt my Neck and felt the bite marks. I hated the fact

that now, life as I knew would be much different then I planed. I dislike the

fact that my life is changed, and i didn't get to pick if I wanted it changed. I

touched the blood and look at it. Now, I don't crave food. I crave the sweet

taste of blood. I lick my finger. The blood tasted sweet, different but

something my stomach craved. It was a odd, strange feeling my stomach now had. I

knew what that feeling was, I wouldn't let myself admit it. I loved how this

blood tasted and I was hungry for more.

I also dont know yet if the main is a dude or girl. Also i dont know names yet. >.<

i dont know why but i thought it was a girl sorry haha- depends i guess u want  the name to mean somthing or just be a cool name?

I did too.... I dont know any good names

hm any idea on what u want it to start with?

? I ALWAYS use the name Tess. And i really dont care... Ill find a pic of what she looks like.

ok..., then use the name tess

But it gets old...After 10 books later...

 this is her but with red eyes at times