Role Play Here

Pain. Why is there always pain? I didn't do nothin this time, but I got it anyhow. It's even worse today. Will decided to use his belt buckle this time, not the leather part.

When I was goin to the bathroom to clean up the cuts I heard ma cryin. That ain't nothin new, so I was gonna ignore it, but she called me into her and will's bedroom. Told me that she was pregnant. I'm gonna have a brother or sister. I get why she was cryin. No one deserves to live in a place like this, specially not no a baby. I just hope it's a boy. There's no way in hell a little girl'll live through this.

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It's been bout nine months since ma told me she was expecting. She says she's bout to pop any day now. When she does, I'm gonna have ta help keep will away from the baby.

I've been doin what I could to keep ma from drinkin too bad. Heard that if a women drinks when she's pregnant it messes up the baby.

Maybe that's what happened to me..

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Well, she had it. A little boy. Ugliest damn thing I've ever seen in my 10 years. I've been taking care of it the best I could. Ma's been passed out the past few days from drinkin. I guess she had to start up again. I don't think he's healthy. He cries a bunch and is so thin. I stoled some milk from the store, but I don't think it's enough. I gotta get him to stop cryin. Will's gonna kill him if he don't.

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Been a couple weeks now. It's been just me and the baby. Ma's hardly ever conscious and wills been gone a week or so now. That's good news for the baby.

He ain't got a name yet. Guess that's up to me too. I think I'll call em Jake. Bout as good a name as any.

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Well, Jake's over a year old now. He lived. I can't believe it, honestly. Guess it's cause I kept will away from him. Had to stop going to school as much to do it. Not like it was helpin me anyhow.

Ma's pregnant again. Stupid bitch.

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Now there's two kids round here. The second ones a girl. I started callin her Hannah. I think she'll do better than Jake. I got more practice with kids now. I still don't know how well she'll survive though. Girls have it even rougher than guys in this life. Jake's two now. He's still as thin as a stick. But I guess he'll live.

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Started teaching Jake to hunt. He's four. Bout time he started helping out round here. He ain't too good, but I think he's got promise to be a great hunter someday.

Only problem with him getting older is will decided he's old nough to start takin beatins, too. I try to stop it as much as I can, but I can't stop all of them.

I walked in on will whippin on him with a tree branch yesterday. His backs all screwed up now, but so's will's nose. I clocked him good for what he did to my little brother.

--

Jake:

Now I get why Trevor can never move to quick. He hurts to much.

I don't know why dad did it. I was playing with my little horse toy Trevor got me and he just woke up and started hittin me. My eye's all black now and my back hurts something awful. I can't move without it stingin. Trevor says it'll quit soon, but I don't think it'll ever stop.

I cried when dad was hittin me. And when he was done. I laid down in the grass outside and cried. Trevor told me to get up and be a man. Men don't cry. He's right. But it hurts so bad. I seen dad do this a lot to Trevor. He never even shows that it hurts. I gotta be like Trevor. He's my hero. I told him that once, but he punched me. Said that he shouldn't be no ones hero.

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I got beat again. I still don't know why. It's happenin a lot now. I don't think the pain will ever end. I just ought to lay down and die. Trevor heard me say that and told me not to talk like that. Givin ups worse than cryin. It's weakness. I gotta stay alive to take care of Hannah. Trevor ain't always gonna be here to look after us. We gotta stay together. It's the only way we're going to survive this hell. That's what Trevor calls this place at least. I don't know what hell means. My teacher says I shouldn't say that word.

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I turned 5 yesterday. Dad didn't beat me, but not cause it was my birthday. He didn't know.

Trevor got me my own gun. Said it was about time I had my own. He wouldn't say where he got it from, but I think I already know. He steals a lot of stuff since we don't got no money.

He says that's gonna change soon, though. He's gonna get lots of money and we're gonna get out of here. I ain't going to be beat no more and we're gonna have food every night. I won't see my ribs no more. Trevor says that's bad.

I've been helping Trevor take care of Hannah. I try not to let her see my wounds- the battle scars- cause they make her cry. She worries bout me as much as I worry about her.

--

Trevor:

I started dealin meth now. Not just weed anymore. I'm goin to bring in more money and get Jake and Hannah the life they deserve. I got to get them out of this place. Will's goin to kill Jake or me if I don't. Or both of us. Then hannah'll die too. No one'll be round to take care of her.

I rely on sellin that shit to someone's little brother, but I hope no one will ever sell it to Jake. He deserves better than drugs.

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I started using my own product. It helps the pain go away too damn well. I get to forget. Forget everything that hurts me. Will. Life. Pain. Worry. Everything's numb.

I drink a lot too. Mostly the shit will makes.

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I took Jake with me to my buddy's house. Kid almost got himself killed. He was botherin my buddy too much, and he started wailin on Jake like dad does. I ended it. I bet he wishes he never laid a hand on my little brother.

I'm goin to have to put some distance between Jake and my job. Maybe I ought to leave. Jake's gettin old nough to take care of him and Hannah. If things go well I'll only have a couple more years in this hell hole of a house.

--

Jake:

Trevor's not around much anymore. Whenever he is home he's fighting with dad or on drugs. He's different now. He's not my brother anymore.

I've got to take care of Hannah now. I'm goin out huntin on my own. It's nice. I like the woods. It's the only place I can have peace. The only problem is I worry about leavin Hannah for too long. I don't want nothing happenin to her while I'm gone. I'd bring her with me, but she makes too much noise. She's like those elephant things I saw a picture of at school. I heard that they have some in the city zoo. But I've never been there.

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Trevor brought me home a puppy. He said it might grow up to be a good huntin dog. But dad killed it. I was givin it pieces of my deer meat, and dad got mad. Said we don't got nough food to feed the mutt and took it outside. Shot it in the head. Hannah and I buried it and she cried.

I don't know why dad cared that I was feedin it. Trevor and I killed the deer. It's not like he had anythin to do with it.

Oh well. Guess I wasn't meant to have a pet.

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Trevor's gone for good. Dad said the cops killed him. Hannah and I made a monument thing next to the pups grave. I miss him already. Hannah's been crying since we got the news, that was this mornin, and it's 8 at night now. I tried to comfort her, but I don't know what to do when girls cry. I don't know if we'll make it without Trevor.

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Got an especially bad beating today. Hannah accidentally broke a lamp, but I told dad I did it so she wouldn't get in trouble. I was in my deer stand, and dad yanked me out of it. I landed on my hand and I think I broke it. He started kicking me. The stomach, the side, my face a couple times. I think he broke my nose too. Hannah fixed that the best she could, but I think it's gonna heal crooked. Oh well, it's been broke before. She's getting some supplies together to fix up my hand. She takes care of me as much as I take care of her anymore.

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It's been a few years since Trevor died. I still miss him.

--

Hannah:

One of dad's friends tried to... Do bad things to me today. Jake stopped him and almost killed him. We left, and are living in the woods now.

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It's been a couple months since we started living in the woods. I screwed it up though. I got my arm caught on some barbed wire while we were running away from some farmer we were trying to steal food from. The wound got infected, so Jake and I tried to break into a drug store to get medicine. We got caught, and got taken home by a couple cops. If they only knew what they took us home too.

But homes better than foster care. Jake said that they'd split us up if we got taken into foster care. That's why I haven't told anyone about what goes on at home. Not like anyone really cares. Everyone's too scared of dad to care about us.

--

Jake:

Rhett got his payback for me almost killing him today. Carved the words little bitch into my hip. I wish I would have killed him when he was messin with Hannah. I shouldn't have stopped myself. If he ever tries anything ever again I won't stop. He's a dead man.

--

Trevor:

I found out about this ranch in Texas that takes in people in need. I got Hannah and Jake into it.

I wanted them to live with me, but it's too dangerous. I've been in prison a couple times, and more shoot outs than I can count. I think this place will be good for them. I'm so glad they are still alive. Jake's done good.